I Matter

I suppose I feel that although I am not important enough, perhaps my ideas and experience can be helpful to another mother. Is is arrogant to feel I am important enough to blog? 

Let's see. 

Adam, my youngest, was born at 665 grams. That's just over one pound. He was in the NICU for 100 days. a few months after that, we raced him to the emergency room on Thanksgiving weekend. He had multiple cysts which grew and blocked his airway. He got a tracheostomy and we stayed in the hospital till end of January. He stopped feeding when he got the trach (he was 6 months old) and he came home with an ng tube. That's a feeding tube that goes down your nose into your stomach. We fed him that way until he began coughing and pulling it out all the time. He then got a peg tube which became a mic-key button a few months later. For those of you who have no idea what that is- it's a way we can feed him directly into his stomach. If you look at his tummy, he has a little plastic piece like what you blow up on a beach ball. We open it, but instead of blowing him up, we hook up a feeding line and a pump and he eats that way several times a day. Because of his prematurity, he also has chronic lung disease, so we deal with inhalers and nebulizers several times a day, and he has vision issues. Currently he wears glasses and a patch for a little every day, but will probably have surgery on his eye soon. 

He has therapy three times a week. He is just over two years old now and got his trach out (after 3 surgeries in last 9 months) two months ago. He was never able to make sounds until the past 2 months and is learning to find his voice. His premature birth was not my fault. There is nothing I could have done differently, but there is still saddness in the fact that he doesn't have a normal baby/toddlerhood. A bit of anger, too.

My older son, Matthew, is an amazing big brother. I tell him that he was picked to have Adam as a little brother. Matthew is patient and sweet. He loves Adam and I feel that he doesn't have it easy, though.  Matthew plays soccer, baseball and basketball. He wants to be a scientist when he grows up and although he has a speech impediment (lisp and articulation disorder- along with a slight stutter) he does not ever stop talking. 

About me. I went to Rutgers, majored in History and got a teaching job right out of college. I got my Masters at Columbia, which I went to as a single mom (Matt's dad and I divorced when he was a toddler). I married again- this time the guy was a total jerk and liar. After another divorce, I realized marriage might not be my thang. 

I met Philip at work, we were friends first and then he asked me out on a date shortly after my second marriage ended. We have no plans on marrying but he is my soulmate. He is Adam's daddy and we are unbreakable after all we have gone through with Adam and our closeness is amazing. He helps me to relax and he is the funniest man I have ever known.

Today is Father's day. We will relax at home and chill out. No nurse today. (oh yeah, that's another part of our life) For the past 1.5 years, we have had 16 hours of nursing in our home each day. It is a blessing (they help take care of Adam's needs) and a curse. There is someone in my home all the time and they are not my friends. Even my friends and I would fight if we were together this often. I will blog on the nurses another time. Enjoy your day.