changes

It’s Jack White singing instead of Laurie Berkner. We’re driving down the highway on my way to pick up the boys at my mom’s. She took them for an overnight- and what a glorious overnight it was. I went to the mall and just looked at things- for fun. I went to the used bookstore and browsed, sipping tea. Picked up some wine and take out. Slept for 12 hours and went out to breakfast at noon. It was glorious.

I’m looking at many pickup trucks on my drive and smiling thinking of my old truck. I really loved that gas guzzler, I confess. It was a crazy impulsive buy, my second marriage was a wreck and I needed a new car. I had a plan before I went to the dealership, I really did, but it was love at first sight. It was way over my budget and was amazing. It was a red dodge Dakota quad cab. It was fully loaded, fancy wheels, bed liner, towing capacity, it had things I never used nor understood.

I loved that truck. I was in 2 accidents and never even felt a bump. No damage done to MY truck. Snow didn’t stop me. I helped people move. I was invited to Ikea by everyone I knew. I could throw things in it and just go. Matt and I would drive to the beach with our bikes, eat ice cream in the bed, camp and when my entire world was falling apart- it was okay. I felt safe. I had a truck. We could just live it in. It was total freedom to me. I was sexy driving it.  It was mine. 

Second marriage over. Four months into dating Philip and I was pregnant with Adam. We know what Adam’s infancy was like. The truck had to go. It was impossible to fit the medical equipment in there and those poor nurses trying to climb in and out of the truck was all too much.

I traded it in for…. A minivan. I know, the most unsexy car there is. It has a twenty-seven cupholders. There are outlets all over, which we needed for his suction machine. Oxygen tasks fit securely inside. There is room for emergency vomit bowls and a potty. The iv pole can stand up and feeds can happen easily. I can climb back and get to any child superfast with plenty of room for groceries , sippy cups, and soccercleats. 

Phil reminds me at least once a week while commuting in traffic that as soon as Adam is a driver, He will no longer have a car- insisting that he has a car because of the kids and feels the need to get rid of it as soon as possible. Which is fine with me, because this will give me more money to spend on my anti-minivan.  

The music is not the same in a minivan. Don’t misunderstand. I love my life. I love my problems and wouldn’t want to trade with anyone. They are mine and this is my story. But I think that the two days kid free made me appreciate the silence, my music choices and reflect on all the changes that make my story... mine.